This is my husband trying to pay a compliment to a priest:
Father, you're my favorite priest!
See! That's what I like about you! You always know what to say!
I hope you speak emoticon.
"You know, all this week, after taking my showers, I've gotten out and scrubbed the shower floor- just a little bit. By the time we move out, it will be perfectly clean. Isn't that clever?"
"Oh, sure! Good!"
"I have a feeling that you haven't been doing anything remotely similar with your showers."
"Oh? What do you think I've been doing?"
"I would guess that you've been hopping in, peeing on the shower floor (thereby creating more work for me), and then hopping right on out."
"No way! You noticed and you've been cleaning it too!"
"No! I haven't even taken a shower all week!"
"Uh, oh... wow."
"But I did pee in the shower last week!"
"It's all wrong. The women should be identified by their measurements."
"Yes- and before you get defensive, the men should be identified by their salaries."
"Do you know why women enjoy this stuff so much and men do not?"
"Because men don't think it smells good?"
"Actually, that's exactly why I don't like it. It smells good. That's the difference between men and women. You're okay with it smelling good just because you like to surround yourself with nice things. Me, on the other hand, I think it smells good and therefore, want to eat it. But I can't. That's why I hate this stuff."
I will pay you one hundred dollars if you make the bed- right now.
Really? No you won't.
No, I won't. But I'll pay you ten.
Okay, just let me...
I'm on it.Normally, I'd make the bed for free, but I'm ten dollars richer today.